


Christmas Cookies

by LilyInTheSnow



Series: Cookies [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky distracting Steve, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Could not be AU, Established Relationship, F/M, I Don't Even Know, I Suck At Writing Smut, I also suck at tagging things, I'm so sorry, Kinda Cracky, M/M, Meh, Probably some OOCness, Reindeer without horns, Zombie Gingerbread Men, a nudge here a wink there, a sort of explicit couple sentences, allusions of/to smut, could be au, disclaimer: don't use royal icing inappropriately, don't take this seriously because i certainly didn't, i will never be able to make Christmas cookies again, inappropriate use of royal icing, legless Santa cookies, rimming sorta, slightly inept cookie baking, the kitchen is a nightmare, they're only making cookies because they're afraid of Natasha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5400242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyInTheSnow/pseuds/LilyInTheSnow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't let Steve and Bucky make the Christmas cookies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't intend for this to get as weirdly smutty or smuttily weird as it did even if only for like two sentences. I'm so, so sorry. It's only a tiny bit though.
> 
> Srsly, I'm so sorry.

The kitchen counter was dusted with flour. Mixing bowls were scattered around the kitchen and piled in the sink with a stack of vintage copper cookie cutters. A half-full pot of coffee had sprinklings of flour in it and had been sat aside. Two batches of Christmas shaped cookies cooled on wire racks. Another couple batches of cookies, already decorated, were scattered on the island while they waited for the icing to dry. Several bowls of colorful royal icing littered what little space was left after adding bowls of gumdrops and Red Hots and next to those, shakers of different sprinkles and colored sugars.

Among the decorated cookies that had Red Hot noses for Rudolph's red nose and black icing dots for the snowmen's buttons and those still cooling on the racks were Santas with broken legs, reindeer with missing antlers, snowflakes that resembled shapeless blobs more than anything else, a few snowmen that actually looked right, gingerbread men and women that were without heads or missing arms and legs, trees that were near misses, and stars that were slightly burned.

The cookies with broken or missing arms and legs had red icing on the ends like amputated limbs. Icing had been used to cover and draw over the shapeless cookies. The first few were decorated perfectly with an artist's hands. They progressively were decorated worse and worse until the last few that were decorated were merely smudged with a sloppy smear of whatever color icing that had been within easy reach.

A final batch of half-assed cookies were baking in the oven. Most of which were just lumps tossed on the cookie sheet to be done with the dough and the disaster that was baking Christmas cookies for the annual Christmas party.

The two men who had done the baking had probably eaten more than their fair share while baking, destroying, decorating, and making a mess of their kitchen. Steve was laying on the couch clutching a handful of melted Red Hots with his head pillowed on his boyfriend's lap. His boyfriend was currently sucking on two differently flavored gum drops while he stared down at the blonde. Both of them were practically naked, wearing only their boxers, after their time in the kitchen and then the shower.

They had started out fully clothed and with every intention on staying that way. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on which end you were coming from their intentions didn't stay PG for very long. It had been Bucky's fault in all honesty. Steve had been minding his own business, decorating his cookies and Bucky had gotten bored while helping and smeared icing on Steve's neck only to lick it off. It rather devolved from there and wound up with them teasing each other in turn until they'd wound up mostly naked on the kitchen floor with only icing and candies and sprinkles covering each other from head to toe and every possible inch in between. Steve had managed to talk Bucky into finishing what they had started in the shower because even though they were in the kitchen floor already naked they were still too close to the cookies for comfort.

Actually, if you wanted to get technical, it was all really Natasha's fault for nominating Steve and Bucky to make the Christmas cookies this year. Last year she and Clint had made them. The year before that Sam had made them, or rather his mother had, the year before that had been Tony's turn, but he'd bought them because he 'had money, that's why'. So with none of their other friends present this year it had fallen to Steve and Bucky, but only because they were too afraid of Natasha to tell her no and definitely too afraid to just buy them like Tony had. Even though both men were larger than Natasha she was tiny and mean and they were pretty sure she could take them. They'd seen her beat up Clint before when he'd smarted off about being able to take her down when she had threatened to beat him up over feeding pizza to the dog one too many times causing it to barf on their new couch.

So Steve and Bucky had agreed to make the cookies and after digging through boxes to find Steve's mother's cook books found the recipe that she had always used and the antique copper cookie cutters that had belonged to Steve's grandmother. Bucky sat out the ingredients as Steve listed them off then but them away when they had to go to the grocers to buy the rest of the things they didn't have. Like baking soda, cream of tartar, flour, vanilla, powdered sugar, candies, sugar, and sprinkles. The basics for baking the cookies that neither of them knew how to make.

After they'd gotten home Bucky had once again sat everything out as Steve read through the list. Steve decided to use the cobalt blue stand mixer that Tony had had someone buy them for their apartment when Bucky and Steve had moved in together. It had been sitting on the counter out of the way ever since and still had all the paper work and instructions in the bowl.

The first attempt at the cookies had gotten the flour dusting pretty much the entire kitchen because Bucky had put the mixer on full speed before allowing Steve to add anything else and having left the pour shied off. They had both been covered in flour and Steve had frowned at his boyfriend while blinking the white powder out of his eyelashes.

The second attempt had Steve laughing his ass off after Bucky accidentally used poultry seasoning they didn't even know they owned instead of cream of tartar.

The third and final attempt at getting the cookie dough made turned out perfectly and Steve made Bucky go back to the store after a rolling pin to roll out the dough thin enough to cut out with the cookie cutters.

The first attempt at rolling them out had the dough too thin and it tore when trying to lift it from the counter resulting in headless Santa's with their heads pinched back on and a couple reindeer with no antlers because they'd broken off and Bucky had eaten them. The second and third attempts were better.

By the time the two managed to get enough batches mixed, rolled out, and baked they'd pretty much destroyed half the kitchen. Steve had started mixing small batches of icing while Bucky sat out the decorations and started eating the gum drops, initially pushing a gum drop onto each of his canines and seeing how long he could get them to stick before they got slimy and fell off. Steve grabbed a handful of Red Hots tossing a few too many of the cinnamon candies in his mouth at once and whined while Bucky laughed at him and then choked on a gum drop that fell off of a tooth while his head was tossed back. Candies had been thrown, icing splattered, cookies sacrificed.

Eventually they settled down and Bucky had made coffee while Steve had carefully decorated the cookies. Drawing outlines and then waiting for them to dry before flooding the lines with the icing. Bucky was in charge of decorating them with candy at first taking his job seriously if only to keep from pissing off his boyfriend. He'd gotten bored after a while and stuck his finger in a bowl of red icing then swiped it over Steve's neck making the blonde frown in distaste. He squirmed when Bucky ducked down and licked it off with a quiet groan. He tried his best to ignore Bucky but the brunette wasn't having it and by the time Steve was sufficiently distracted his shirt was off, he had streaks of icing all over his neck, shoulders, chest, and back, and his artistic decorating had turned into blobs and smears with candies randomly tossed onto them and barely sticking.

Steve had tackled Bucky to the floor, stripped the brunette’s shirt off and grabbed a bowl of the icing and began drawing his own designs on him. Blue swirls and stars covered Bucky's chest and stomach and Steve had laughed as he drew stars over Bucky's nipples like pasties. Bucky sighed and gasped and groaned while Steve nibbled and licked and sucked the icing off of him. Jeans and boxers had come off after that and bowls of decorations had been emptied. The blue icing was in places no icing should ever be and Steve was pretty sure it was highly unsanitary but Bucky had managed to slide a couple fingers in before Steve realized what he was using for lube and had wondered why the fuck it was so sticky. Bucky had only laughed and flipped Steve over and started licking it away.

After that Steve had insisted on finishing up in the shower because they were in 'the fuckin' kitchen, Buck' and it was 'highly fucking unsanitary' and it was 'weird right next to the innocence of Christmas cookies'. Bucky had grumbled but had taken his boyfriend to the shower and they finished each other off while there under the guise of getting clean.

So now they were draped over the couch, having forgotten the last batch of cookies in the oven until the range hood kicked on.

“Fuck.” Bucky slid out from under his boyfriend's head and ran to the kitchen to take them out of the oven. They were black as charcoal and Bucky was pretty sure they'd been flaming at some point. He dumped them in the sink and poured water over them in time for Steve to walk in and yell at him.

“We don't have a disposal, Buck.”

“I'll clean it up. I'm pretty sure they were on fire.”

“Oh.”

***

Clint opened the door and grinned when he saw Steve holding boxes and Bucky holding a bag that held presents. It looked like they'd bought the cookies and if they had Nat was so going to kick their asses. She'd already promised him that she would.

“Hey. Come in. Nat's in the kitchen fighting Tony off the bourbon. They're supposed to be making eggnog, but Stark just keeps pouring the bourbon into a bowl and drinking it.” Bucky laughed and Steve rolled his eyes. “He said it was the only way he'd make it through this Christmas.”

Sam walked out of the kitchen shaking his head and jumped when he heard a sharp slapping sound and Tony yelping. Seconds later Natasha marched their slightly inebriated friend out of the kitchen with her hand gripping his ear. She sat him down on the couch next to the dog then grabbed the boxes of cookies from Steve and walked back into the kitchen.

“Dude, she's like if Martha Stewart was an assassin,” Sam shuddered as he said it and Bucky snorted while his boyfriend followed Natasha into the kitchen.

“She's a Grinch.” Tony whispered holding his ear. He wasn't sure that Natasha couldn't hear him even when whispering and she was in another room talking to someone else.

The redhead was currently handing a platter to Steve for him to put his Christmas cookies on. She watched him place them where they were overlapping but you could still see the designs and saw the cookies going from near perfect to looking like some of the zombies from The Walking Dead. She didn't comment though, figuring the zombie cookies were some of their first attempts and the cookies got better the more they got used to making them.

It was only later, after handing out presents and drinking eggnog and eating the cookies, that she even realized that very few of them had blue icing on them. The snowflakes, where she figured most of them would have blue on them, were mostly white with only a very few of them having blue icing.

“Why do the cookies not have any blue icing?”

Steve and Bucky both turned to her with small frowns. “What?”

“Why are there so few cookies with blue icing?”

Steve blushed crimson, Bucky smirked, and she grinned while Clint watched on in horror while Tony and Sam ate another cookie.

“No more!” Clint finally jumped up from where he was seated on the arm of the couch and grabbed the platter of cookies and ran to the kitchen with them, dumping them in the trash while Bucky cackled and Steve looked mortified. Sam and Tony only blinked in confusion and Natasha smirked.

“What?”

“They're sex cookies!” Clint screamed it from the kitchen where they heard plastic rustling and then saw him running out with a garbage bag in hand.

Bucky was still laughing, Steve covered his face with his hands, face still crimson, Natasha was still smirking, Sam looked slightly disgusted, but Tony looked more pleased than anything when Clint ran back into the apartment still screeching about sex cookies.

“I'm making the cookies next year!” Tony volunteered and threw his head back, laughing his ass off while everyone screamed in horror.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive me.
> 
> Also comments are super loved and even if I don't reply I still love them and they motivate me. <3
> 
> Shell, it's your fault I'm actually posting this. :P


End file.
